That sexy French accent. Pornographic cinematography. All this for the launch of the new French football strip. “Graphic, marine and white,” purrs the voiceover.

But what do you think of this abomination of a soccer strip? To me it looks like something you find on the rails of TK Maxx, among Polo Ralph Lauren polo shirts from 1998. Which was, incidentally, the last time the French team were any serious threat.